Harry Potter Characters in the Big Brother House
by LuciousLadyLucius
Summary: HP characters stuck in the Big Brother House sounds great but will the chlostrephobia of the house change any body in the building
1. Meet the Contestants

Big Brother" Welcome to the Big Brother House lets introduce our new contestants...Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the chosen one, the G-d of magic-"

Harry: Okay we got the point

Big Brother: sorcerer of wond-

Harry: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Big Brother: Well excuuuuuse me! Harry how do you feel about being on Big Brother

Harry: do I need more publicity

Big Brother: huh your full of your self... Our next contestant is the Dark Lord, You Know who, He who must not be named, arguably the most powerful wizard of all its thhhhhheeeeeeeeeee Dark Lord Voldemort. So voldedude are you happy to be on our great show?

Voldemort: its a muggle show! It reeks of dirty bloody! BUT I CAN NOW AT LAST KILL POTTER MWOOOHAHAHAHA

Big Brother: I see that you are a man of severe mental disorder the public always like an interesting person. Our next contestant is the smartest witch we know, the frizziest headed, the muggle born, mud blooded... Hemione Granger! Hermy how do you feel about our show

Hermione: It rots the brain its been scientifically proven

Big Brother: Do you enjoy being an insufferable know-it-all?

Hermione: Well it beats being a man with a girl's voice, 'big brother' yeh right shouldn't it be big sister

Big Brother: the next contestant is the only Weasly daughter Miss Ginevra Weasley

Ginny: Is that all you could think of

Big Brother: who loves Harry Potter...how do you feel about our show

Ginny: Its a tad sad

Big Brother: Snort. Our next contestant is Lavender Brown, who is totally boring and needs some high lights

Lavender: sniff thats mean

Big Brother: Why are you even here?

Lavender: To unleash my burning love for some people in the house

Big Brother: Let me guess...Harry Potter?

Lavender: no

Big Brother: Ron?

Lavender: No

Big Brother: Oh I get it Draco...huh thats such a clishe I mean really why does every one like Draco he is a slime ball

Lavender: nope

Big Brother: sigh Sirius Black

Lavender no...do you give up?

Big Brother:sigh yes...but wait i do not want to know if it is myself

Lavender: ew your a man with a woman's voice...no I love...Tom Marvolo Riddle. Voldemort. I want to die in your arms

Voldemort: You d-do?

Lavender: of course not right away

(Voldemort and Lavender sigh longingly into eachother's eyes)

Big Brother: Anyhoo next contestant the one the only, the ultimate muggle Vernon Dursley

Vernon:Why the ruddy hell am I here

Big Brother: to learn about wizards and stuff

Vernon: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KILL WIZARDS

Big Brother: sigh you strange sad little man our next contestant is Severus Snape...Snape what made you come to the Big Brother House

Snape: to keep an eye on these futile children

Voldemort and Vernon: Hey

Snape: be quiet Riddle, Dursley or you'll have double detention

Big brother; ooo Snape knows how to stand up to the Dark Lord better than HP or Dumbles... only three more contestants now...the ultimate pure bloods Draco Malfoy and Sirius Black and Ronald Weasley

Sirius: Why were we introduced together?

Draco: yeh. I am a pure blood so why the hell am I with blood traitors

Big Brother: shut up you slime ball besides you lot are related...lets see you are a bunch of misfits aren't you? Slime Ball, mass murderer and...I don't have clue what you are Ronald. Draco tell us about your self

Draco: This place stinks like muggles, blood traitors, mud bloods and half bloods

Big Brother: Be careful Draco! Viewers don't like contestants who are moody...but then again your are sooooo hott

Draco: Ew your a man with a girl's voice I would never in a billion years go out with you

Big Brother: Oh well I expected that...Sirius you're also quite a looker despite being in Azkaban for a billion years

Sirius: yeesh

Big Brother: oh well let the games begin


	2. Day 1

Big Brother" Welcome to the Big Brother House lets introduce our new contestants...Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the chosen one, the G-d of magic-"

Harry: Okay we got the point

Big Brother: sorcerer of wond-

Harry: SHUT THE HELL UP!

Big Brother: Well excuuuuuse me! Harry how do you feel about being on Big Brother

Harry: do I need more publicity

Big Brother: huh your full of your self... Our next contestant is the Dark Lord, You Know who, He who must not be named, arguably the most powerful wizard of all its thhhhhheeeeeeeeeee Dark Lord Voldemort. So voldedude are you happy to be on our great show?

Voldemort: its a muggle show! It reeks of dirty bloody! BUT I CAN NOW AT LAST KILL POTTER MWOOOHAHAHAHA

Big Brother: I see that you are a man of severe mental disorder the public always like an interesting person. Our next contestant is the smartest witch we know, the frizziest headed, the muggle born, mud blooded... Hemione Granger! Hermy how do you feel about our show

Hermione: It rots the brain its been scientifically proven

Big Brother: Do you enjoy being an insufferable know-it-all?

Hermione: Well it beats being a man with a girl's voice, 'big brother' yeh right shouldn't it be big sister

Big Brother: the next contestant is the only Weasly daughter Miss Ginevra Weasley

Ginny: Is that all you could think of

Big Brother: who loves Harry Potter...how do you feel about our show

Ginny: Its a tad sad

Big Brother: Snort. Our next contestant is Lavender Brown, who is totally boring and needs some high lights

Lavender: sniff thats mean

Big Brother: Why are you even here?

Lavender: To unleash my burning love for some people in the house

Big Brother: Let me guess...Harry Potter?

Lavender: no

Big Brother: Ron?

Lavender: No

Big Brother: Oh I get it Draco...huh thats such a clishe I mean really why does every one like Draco he is a slime ball

Lavender: nope

Big Brother: sigh Sirius Black

Lavender no...do you give up?

Big Brother:sigh yes...but wait i do not want to know if it is myself

Lavender: ew your a man with a woman's voice...no I love...Tom Marvolo Riddle. Voldemort. I want to die in your arms

Voldemort: You d-do?

Lavender: of course not right away

(Voldemort and Lavender sigh longingly into eachother's eyes)

Big Brother: Anyhoo next contestant the one the only, the ultimate muggle Vernon Dursley

Vernon:Why the ruddy hell am I here

Big Brother: to learn about wizards and stuff

Vernon: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR KILL WIZARDS

Big Brother: sigh you strange sad little man our next contestant is Severus Snape...Snape what made you come to the Big Brother House

Snape: to keep an eye on these futile children

Voldemort and Vernon: Hey

Snape: be quiet Riddle, Dursley or you'll have double detention

Big brother; ooo Snape knows how to stand up to the Dark Lord better than HP or Dumbles... only three more contestants now...the ultimate pure bloods Draco Malfoy and Sirius Black and Ronald Weasley

Sirius: Why were we introduced together?

Draco: yeh. I am a pure blood so why the hell am I with blood traitors

Big Brother: shut up you slime ball besides you lot are related...lets see you are a bunch of misfits aren't you? Slime Ball, mass murderer and...I don't have clue what you are Ronald. Draco tell us about your self

Draco: This place stinks like muggles, blood traitors, mud bloods and half bloods

Big Brother: Be careful Draco! Viewers don't like contestants who are moody...but then again your are sooooo hott

Draco: Ew your a man with a girl's voice I would never in a billion years go out with you

Big Brother: Oh well I expected that...Sirius you're also quite a looker despite being in Azkaban for a billion years

Sirius: yeesh

Big Brother: oh well let the games begin


	3. Green, Grey, Blue, Brownand Red?

Big Brother: PURPLE ALERT! PURPLE ALERT

Draco: what the hell is 'Purple Alert?"!

Big Brother: its an alert that is not quite as dangerous as a red alert but more important than a blue alert.

Draco: right (sarcastically)

Big Brother: The purple alert is that everyone must now be put in special places. Everyone will be seperated and live in different places in the house according to the colour of eyes.

Voldemort: loads of people with me then (sarcastic: indicates red eyes)

Big Brother: From now on! Meaning until I say other wise, those who have green eyes will go in the 'Green room' you shall be kings

Harry: go Harry its your birthday gonna party like its your bir-

Everyone else: silence

Big Brother: the green eyed kings shall be served by everyone else. Blue eyes and Grey eyes will be searvents and...Miners! Dun Dun DUUUUUNNNNN

Draco: miners?

Big Brother: Aye you'll be good old coal miners

Draco: Now my nightmare is complete

Big Brother: Those of you who have brown eyes shall be...chefs and cook the meals for the green eyed kings

Hermione and Ginny!$ !

Hermione: I'm getting a potion to dye my eyes

Big Brother: Purple Alert Purple Alert!

Ginny: sigh yes

Big Brother: anyone caught dying their eyes will be found and killed my MR SPY!

Everyone: silence

Sirius: Who the hell is Mr Spy!

Big Brother:shines spotlight on small strange little man with thick glasses, a rain coat, a several binoculars, a camera and a telescope THIS IS MR SPY

Mr Spy: I can see you!

Draco: that is the scariest thing I have ever lade eyes on

Harry: For once Malfoy I agree...BUT WHAT DO I CARE GO HARRY ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY ITS YOUR

Everyone: Glare

Harry: soz

Later in the Green room:

Harry: More Wine I believe Snivellus

Snape: Mumble Grumble

Ron: what is this foul language Snivellus. ORF WITH YOUR HEAD!

Harry: No an even better idea Ronald would be to send him to Mr Spy

Mr Spy: I can see you

Ron: Oh yes Henry James I agree entirely

Snape: NO! Anything but Mr Spy

Ron: Anything?

Harry: You may give King Ronald a foot massage Now where did...Weasel!

Ginny: huh...HARRY! Don't call me that

Harry: That is King Henry James to you oh brown eyed slave...send up more coal fresh from the mines to feed the fire! I'm freezing my Roman sandles off...MORE WINE!

Meanwhile in the blue/grey room

Sirius: okay Malfoy take the pickaxe and dig out the coal

Draco: sounds easier enough...looks around confusedly...um Black?

Sirius: What is it now Malfoy?

Draco: what does coal look like?

Sirius:faints

Meanwhile in the brown room

Hermione: cooking food some chicken in here, put on the salt and a drop of poison in the apples to kill the green-eyed kings

Vernon: Witch! you musn't do that

Hermione: why...you always hated Harry even before he was a wierd king who thought he was an ancient Roman

Vernon: but if Mr Spy catches you

Hermione: Mr Spy is in the Green room protecting the kings

Vernon: well do magicy people have away of being in two places at once

Hermione: no of course not don't be silly

(a sound comes from behind her)

sound: I can see you!

Hermione: (without turning around) crap

Meanwhile outside the rooms

Voldemort: I still haven't been put any where...Big Brother?

Big Brother: silence

Voldemort: HELLO!

Big Brother: oh sorry about that I thought you were a banana

Voldemort: WTF

Big Brother: oh just go in the green room with the rest of the mega maniacs

Voldemort: hmmm shut up in a room with Potter...this should be good


	4. LeVormorte

Big Brother: Today in the green room Harry and Ron are learning to waltz

Harry: I never knew you were such a wonderful dancer King Roonil

Ron: Your eyes are like emeralds darling Henrietta

Harry: sigh you always say the right thing my dear

Ginny walks in

Ginny:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA stop that! Thats the most disturbing thing I have ever seen

Harry: Look my dear Roonil...tiz a rare species of weasel

Ron: Oh Golly how spiffing...shall we ask that bushy bown eyed cook to make her into pie

Harry: No no my dear...this is an endangered species...however, I was never very good at Magical Creatures classes. Lets ask my dear friend LeVomorte'

Ron: A spiffing idea

Ginny:(swear words to revolting to write)

Voldemort enters wearing a scarlet dress and a feather in his hat

Harry: Ah LeVormorte' such a pleasure it is kisses Voldemort's hand She came all the way from France you know

Ginny: Harry... thats YOU-KNOW WHO!

Harry: Yes and a charming one at that flirting

Ron: Gasp how could you do this to me Henrietta! Ugh all Men are bastards (storms off)

Ginny: I don't want to know

Harry: Now LeVormorte can you tell me what species of rare creature this is

Voldemort: Ah let moi see. Oui zis is a rare magical red weezel.

Draco enters covered in coal

Voldemort: and zat is a rare magical snow toad

Draco:Who are you calling toad?

Harry and Voldemort: MWOOOHAHAHAA we're rich

Ginny: and why are you rich?

Harry: Because rare magical snow toads are worth a fortune

tbc


End file.
